Moments, like water, stave off hunger and stifle thirst, but they are temporary, the satisfaction eventually and unavoidably lost. Moments cannot curve the burn of a broken heart -- cannot sedate the obsession of things that cannot be undone -- just as water will not feed our muscles or build our bones. We cannot survive on moments alone.
It seems so simple... to sit in the shadows of the clouds... or a door way... staring out into the blinding sunny white world. A gentle breeze can caress away the anxious claws threatening to shove a scream tearing out of an already shredded throat. The desire to misbehave -- to give in to desires -- makes its way slowly to the front of a mind too tired to fight it off and meets a frail wall of knowing that it has already been here and done that.
It slips back, hoping to find some other means to go through the wall... and claws drag back down into the hollowed out chest... for now the battle has been won. For now air filters in, expanding the chest as pinked lids close over glazed dark eyes. Bruises mark the skin beneath as lips curve up in certain victory. For now... a lie is a lie -- and it's good enough to believe. Shocks of red vibrate behind closed lids and another breeze blows through... the sun moves over exposed skin warming frozen bits and parts as the taste of the smell of rain permeates every cell.
I am swiss cheese... each hole in my chest burning and festering...
